Biryani for the Soul (3): Remove Toxic People

Have you ever had someone in your life that literally drains you emotionally and physically? Someone that really is the embodiment of negativity? The one that always spearheads the medieval ancient thoughts in your head? Well, you are not alone. These people are toxic and we always encounter them in our lives.

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If you want to identify a toxic person in your life, go down this checklist:

  1. Those who spread negativity. This person is the epic symbol of negativity. He/She is negative and will not be happy till others are negative as well.
  2. Those who criticize you all the time. These people make Simon Cowell look like an angel.
  3. Those who waste your time. Be careful, they just drain your time with nothing fruitful – not even a meaningful relationship.
  4. Those who are jealous.
  5. Those who play victim. No matter how the situation could be handled, these people love to see themselves as victims of circumstances – and most likely blame others for their failures.
  6. Those who don’t care.
  7. Those who are self-centered.
  8. Those who keep disappointing you. Broken promises so often, it becomes a lifestyle.

Their toxicity is contagious.

It’s amazing how quickly things turn around when you remove toxic people from your life. – Robert Tew

Avoid them. Get rid of them from your life. It will be the hardest thing to do, but when you do it, you will see your life turn round.

Make the hard choice and remove them.

Remember this. Cutting people out of your life does not mean you hate them. It just means you respect and love yourself. Not everyone is meant to be in your life.

 

 

Biryani for the Soul (1): They see Failures, I see Lessons

Failures and Mistakes are our teachers and masters.

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When you fail, sit down and observe.

  1. What mistakes did you make?
  2. What mistakes did others do that caused the problem?
  3. How did you respond?
  4. How did others in the problem respond?
  5. How can the outcome be different?
  6. What can you change immediately?
  7. What can you change in the midterm?
  8. What can you change in the long term?

When others fail, go and talk to them.

  1. What mistakes did they make?
  2. How did they respond?
  3. How can their outcome be different?
  4. How can you improve to avoid making the same mistake?
  5. Could they have avoided the mistake or failure?

Always, take the time to observe the failures. Because failures offer us an opportunity to rise and be better. It gives us an opportunity to introspect, improvise and adapt. If we allow that moment to pass without contemplation, the idiot will always repeat his mistakes.

Leadership – Inspiring and Motivating (Part 4)

Inspiring and Motivating is an essential part of leadership. A pat on the shoulder, an on-the-spot recognition, a praise on a job well done resonates deeper into the human soul. We often forget that our staff and followers are humans, that require the occasional affirmation from others. It is the quintessential feeling that allows us to work as a “pack” and function as a “society”.

In sport, when the game is tied and time out is called, the coach reminds the players what is at stake – the reward that waits for the winning team that makes the effort. This is inspiring them to reach greatness by sacrificing momentary pain and putting in the maximum effort to gain the reward later.

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Another way of inspiring the team as a manager is to challenge the team members with the memory of past victories, with examples of their accomplishments, contributions and sacrifices. This helps the leader to inspire them and acknowledge their contributions at the same time. The team is motivated to surpass, not others, but themselves.

Essentially, a leader will need to enthuse, excite and encourage so that the followers believe that they can do it. Motivating and inspiring is about them, not about you. It is about their qualities. It is about instilling confidence and energy that focuses their efforts in achieving results. That is essence that will imbue the followers with ownership.

The leader needs to make the follower “own” the vision. He/She needs to inspire and motivate to an extent that followers or their team accept the vision as their own vision and strive to achieve that goal. This is how self-perpetuating motivation arises.

As people become motivated, they trust, which reinforces their abilities. This affirms their actions which, in turn, motivates them.

Leadership – Inspiring and Motivating (Part 2)

Involvement and Trust

Rome was not built in a day. Trust cannot be built in a day.

Your overall relationship with your followers is devoted to communicating your willingness and ability to support the team – through hell and back.

I have had the opportunity to lead a team to conduct a rigorous audit process and internal investigation into a project. My team were apprehensive. What if they did find something? What if there was fraud? I had to build trust in them, not only on me, but also on the system and the audit process.

In order to understand their apprehension, fear or even the difficulties, I need to immerse myself in their activities and interests. I frequently consulted them and requested them to be involved in discussions as a way to forge trust. The decisions I make are rational, for the good of the team and the task.

As the task occur, the team members must be convinced that you are the right leader for them, even if your decisions aren’t popular. They must be convinced that you and the team are together, learning about each other, and how you can rely on each other.

Building trust is the first step towards inspiring your followers.

Leadership – Inspiring and Motivating (Part 1)

Leadership in this age relies more on motivation and interpersonal influence than on getting other to comply through a chain of command or hierarchy. I have experienced, in more than one occasion, where the ability to motivate and interpersonal influence achieved greater results than simple instructions through a chain of command. I have also witnessed leaders with tremendous potential who failed because they ignored this very primal need.

I was reading a book by Beth Comstock, “Imagine It Forward” and she referenced Jack Welch as very charismatic individual where his presence is felt very personally by each employee, despite GE’s decentralized mega-organization. This is an example of leadership that employs motivation and interpersonal influence.

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We need to identify the key people in our organization that will help us to excel

How does this type of leadership work? It is not a set of mechanical management processes. It is not a sleeve out of a management booklet. It is human. It requires good chemistry, a huge amount of listening and observing.

I will break this topic into few parts to allow for shorter and easier reading. We will cover how this type leadership works and can be implemented.